A lesson on prayer from an old friend...

There was a lady at my church in Tyler named Nancy Terry. Nancy was such a sweet old lady, very talented, and one of the funniest people ever. She could come back with a witty remark quicker than anyone I know! I had the privilege of working for her the summer after my senior year in high school. She was a real estate agent and was having trouble seeing so I became her personal assistant to help her out! It was a really neat experience for me. I learned a lot and loved working closely with Nancy. Unfortunately, not long after I began working for her, it was discovered that the reason she was having trouble seeing was because she had brain cancer. She began her second battle with cancer and didn't win this time, but her sweet legacy is one that will live on in the hearts of everyone she came in contact with.

There is one particular story I remember about Nancy Terry. Most of the other people there probably don't remember this at all but it has always stuck with me...

It was the morning of the Whitehouse YesterYear Parade. Those not from Whitehouse might not understand, but the parade is a pretty big deal in Whitehouse. The whole city comes out to see the clowns, the princess and the ladies in waiting, the dance teams, the fire trucks, and everything else that comes along with a parade. Here are a few pictures from the year I had the privilege of being a lady in waiting. These pictures aren't from the year this story takes place in but hopefully they'll give you a bit of an idea of the extravagance of the YesterYear Parade.

Now, back to the story. On this particular day, the fate of the parade was questionable. As all of the floats lined up in the high school parking lot, dark clouds gathered overhead and dropped a few threatening rain drops.

My church always provided a water wagon for the parade. We were positioned in the middle of the parade with trailers and wagons carrying ice chests filled with ice cold bottles of water. We passed them out to every single onlooker along the parade route and it was always fun to see the joy that a cold bottle of water could bring to a person sitting and baking in the hot Texas sun. It was a neat outreach to the community that my church loved doing and we did not want to miss out on this opportunity.

So, we all huddle under umbrellas and prayed for the rain to stop, just long enough for the parade to go on. And this is where Nancy Terry comes in. Nancy had some important role in YesterYear and was riding around in a golf cart, making sure everything was going smoothly. As she approached us, she said, "I've never seen so many Baptists huddled under umbrellas! Put down those umbrellas and pray like you mean it!" I'm pretty sure we all just laughed, and stayed huddled under our umbrellas but her words really struck a chord with me.

When I pray, do I really pray believing God will provide? Or do I pray, but remain clinging to my worldly safety net? Maybe God is just waiting for us to take that leap of faith. [There's that faith again. Seems to be a trend in my blogs. God must be trying to teach me something...]

We pray for God to take care of our finances. We say we are trusting Him. So, why do we still worry about money?

We pray for God to mend a broken relationship. So, why are we still trying to fix that relationship on our own? (Which, by the way, I have discovered it always seems to make things worse when I try to fix them on my own.)

We pray for God to bring rain to our dry land. So, why aren't we leaving the house carrying our umbrellas and wearing our leopard print rain boots? [Oh... You don't have leopard print rain boots?? Sorry, that's just me.]

I think my prayer life needs a makeover. So many times, I'll utter a prayer, just to say I did. Then I just hope that MAYBE something will happen. I think instead I need to pray a little more boldly, believing, and KNOWING that God is gonna answer my prayer. It may not be the answer I want and it may not arrive when I want, but He will provide. And I must trust in that.

And in case you are wondering, the rain held off and the YesterYear Parade went on as planned. Probably because Nancy Terry prayed.

The stranger on the plane...

When Leeland was just 7 weeks old, I had the opportunity to fly to Pennsylvania to visit Weston's family. Weston was flying one of his clients up there and I was flying commercially, with Leeland, to meet him. I was a little nervous about flying by myself, with a baby, but I had nothing to worry about. This is pretty much what Leeland did the whole time!

I love flying. And not just because my husband is a pilot. In general, I love flying commercially more than flying privately. I love airports. Going through security does not bother me. I love getting Starbucks and waiting at my gate. I love people watching. Observing and wondering. Making up little stories in my head about the people I see- who they are, what they are doing, where they are going, etc.

Except there's one little problem. I like staying inside my head. I don't want to actually talk to the people I'm observing. And the problem usually comes when it's time to get on the plane because I always seem to be stuck next to people that want to talk. And for some reason, I hate talking to the person sitting next to me on the plane. It's just awkward to me. Yeah, we may talk for a few minutes and have great conversation, but then there's the whole 2 hour flight after that when you have nothing to say. Awkward.

Right before my flight in October with little tiny baby Leeland, I got a little convicted. I caught myself praying that I would not be sitting next to people that would want to talk. But then I remembered stories that people told about how they were able to share Jesus with the person sitting next to them on the plane, and I knew I was being selfish. Instead of praying against these opportunities, I needed to be praying FOR them. It was one of the scariest things I've ever done, but I actually prayed for someone to talk to on my flight. Someone to share with.

I boarded early since I had a baby, got all settled and waited in anticipation as the rest of the passengers began to board. I assessed every person approaching my row, wondering if they would be sitting next to me. And then she arrived. She was pretty, clearly a young businesswoman. Probably not much older than me but she seemed to be in a different world than me. She was dressed so nice with her cute purse and work bag. I thought she could have nothing in common with me as I sat there in my jeans and t-shirt, cradling my 7 week old baby. I was just hoping that she didn't hate babies and that we would make it through the 2 hour flight.

After sitting there for about 5 minutes, she realized she was in the wrong seat. She was supposed to be in the middle seat across the aisle. But since she had already gotten all settled in, we decided that she could just ask the person that was supposed to be in that seat to trade. And they did.

As the flight got started, we began to talk. She asked lots of questions about Leeland and about my pregnancy, but that didn't seem out of the ordinary to me- once you get pregnant and have a baby, that's ALL anyone talks to you about. We talked about our husbands and realized that they were a lot alike, and we even got married the same year, just one week apart. I told her about my previous job at ETBU, and most people have no idea what it involves, but she actually had a friend that did that exact same job! It ended up that we had a lot in common.

Then I asked the question. I'm always nervous to ask about couples plans to have children because you just never know the situation. I know so many couples that want to have kids but can't so asking about it can be a sore topic. I had thought about it and avoided it but after talking for a while, decided it was ok. This is how the conversation went:

Me: "So, do ya'll want to have kids?"

Her: *hesitation* "Well...."

Me: *immediately regretting asking* "I'm sorry, is that an awkward question? You don't have to answer!"

Her: "No! It's not awkward at all! I'm actually pregnant right now, but we haven't told anyone yet. A lot of my business partners are on this plane so I didn't want any of them to hear."

And we talked for the whole rest of the flight. Like two little girls at a slumber party, sharing secrets about boys we have crushes on. Except we were two women in our twenties, on an airplane, sharing secrets about our families.

I never got her name. I didn't share "the plan of salvation" with her. But I think she was the answer to my prayer. She didn't sit in the wrong seat on accident. I think God put her there.

We were both a little sad to say goodbye. After leaving, I so wished I had gotten her name so I could look her up on facebook. But that one two hour flight was all we had. From sharing about our lives, I could tell she wasn't a Christian. But I hope that she could tell I was different. I hope that she could see The Light in me. And I hope that something resonated within her. I firmly believe that God had a purpose for bringing us together. And I know that He is working within her. Even if I'll never see the stranger on the plane again.

If it wasn't this, it'd be something else.

I wrote my last blog about faith. It was on my mind for a few days but I thought that was it. But boy was I wrong! God wanted to teach me a little bit more. A few days later, I went to read my Bible. I didn't really know where to turn so I randomly started reading 1 Peter. Let me share with you what I read:

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may by proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

1 Peter 1:6-7

After reading these verses, I began to think back. A few years ago, I was the Director of Student Activities at ETBU. I was so blessed to have a job right out of college, especially in this bad economy. I loved my coworkers and I loved the students that I worked with. The job taught me a lot and I grew more than I thought I ever would. But that job was HARD. It was very demanding and time consuming. It was so stressful, and I cried in my office many a time. I put so much into my work that I didn't have much else to give other places- at home with my husband, to my friends and family, or in ministry at my church. I had given so much of myself to my job that I didn't even feel like myself anymore. I was SO relieved when I got pregnant because I had a deadline. Once I had that baby, I would no longer be working.

So, then I had Leeland. I am so blessed to be able to stay home with him. He is laughing and smiling 80% of the time and it is such a joy to watch him grow and learn new things. Also, I am able to devote so much of myself to my home and my husband and I love it. I just know that this is where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing. But this job is HARD. There are days when I don't get much sleep and those days always seem to coincide with Leeland's fussy days. I can't always keep the house clean and I don't always get dinner on the table every night. Not being able to do everything and get everything done stresses me out.

After thinking about all of this, I realized, "If it wasn't this, it'd be something else." I was SO stressed and drained in my job before. I don't have to deal with that anymore but now I'm experiencing a different kind of stress.

Remember in my last post when I said we can't say we have faith when we haven't let go? Well, I've learned it takes even more than that. We can't say we have faith when we haven't even exercised that faith when things are rough. Maybe you've let go of the edge and you're trusting God, but have you held on to your faith in hard times, when things get stressful, or when things seem uncertain?

Sometimes we wonder, "Why is life so hard?" or the famous, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" I think the answer is in 1 Peter. Yeah, things may be hard right now. But God is allowing those things to happen so that our faith may be proven genuine and so that HE may be glorified. If life was always easy and wonderful, why would we need faith? My point exactly.

[Disclaimer: I know that my life is pretty good and that sooo many people in the world have it off much worse than me. This post is not lamenting that my life is "so hard" or anything like that. If lack of sleep and a fussy baby are my biggest concerns, I'm living the easy life! I just think that no matter what situation we are in, no matter how good or easy things may seem, God still allows us to experience trials to give us a chance to test our faith and grow in Him.]

Lessons from Leeland: Faith

Leeland has been learning and growing so fast in the past few weeks and months! After army crawling for a long time, he finally started getting up on his hands and knees and from there, started pulling up on everything. He LOVES standing. The only problem was that he couldn't figure out how to get down. He would pull up on the tv stand, play around and enjoy himself, and when he was done, he would look at the "long way" down and get terrified. He would scream and cry until Mom would come along to help him down.

Then one night, when all of the family was over, he started doing squats. He was holding on with both hands but going up and down, up and down. I pulled out my phone and started videoing because it was pretty cute. Then, right when I started videoing, he started exploring a little more. He tried to reach down and touch the floor but couldn't quite reach yet. Then suddenly, he did it- he let go. He landed (almost) softly on his bottom and realized it wasn't that bad. He turned and looked at his audience and flashed a satisfied smile. He did it!

I learned a valuable lesson from Leeland that night- a lesson in faith. Faith requires letting go. Letting go is scary. That's why Leeland didn't do it for a few weeks. But then he exercised faith. He could have stayed where it was safe, but he chose to step out. It didn't require much, just one simple action, but it opened up a whole new world for him.

I was reading Matthew 17. Jesus' disciples had tried to heal a boy but they just couldn't. So the boy was brought to Jesus and just like that, he was healed. Later on, the disciples pulled Jesus aside and asked why they had been unable to heal the boy. You know what Jesus said?

"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20-21

Ouch. I kind of feel like that was a slap in the face to the disciples. I'm sure in their minds, they felt like they had faith. But I think they just hadn't let go. See, you can't say you have faith when you are still clinging to the edge of the TV stand, dreading that two foot drop to the ground. True faith only comes when you let go, take the plunge, and trust God to guide you. And just like Jesus said in those verses, when we have even the tiniest bit of that, a whole new world of opportunities is available to us! (...umm..moving mountains?? what?)

So, today I'm gonna let go and see what God has in store. I will take that leap of faith and see what mountains we can move together. After all, I have seen time after time that God's plans are much greater than mine. I put my faith in that.

the battle.

I've always been honest with you blog readers so I'll just be upfront with this one...

I haven't felt like writing lately because I've just been emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually drained and defeated. When I decided to start writing, I made the decision to always be honest and uplifting with my words. Which sometimes means just not writing at all, so as to not compromise that decision.

In my last blog, I had set out to search the Bible and discover what it truly means to submit to my husband and be respectful to him. I wanted to be on top of my game and make sure I was being a Godly wife. But I didn't see what was about to come.

Weston has been working every single day for over 3 weeks. In just a few days, it will be one month. And when I say working, I don't mean an 8:00-5:00 job. He has been leaving the house at 5:00a.m. a lot of days, and not returning until late at night, on the days that he even gets to come home at all. And he hasn't even gotten weekends off, he has been going non-stop. Needless to say I haven't seen him much.

One of Weston's clients bought a new plane so Weston was going to Dallas for a few days to get some specialized schooling on the plane. Since he would just be in classes in the morning and part of the afternoon, Leeland and I got to come along to spend time with him in the evenings. I was super excited to finally get to spend some time with him, especially since I was going to be so Godly, submissive, and respectful...right? (oh boy...was I wrong!)

You see, quite the opposite happened. I was super emotional and taking everything personally. Leeland wasn't handling the hotel well. He wasn't sleeping which brought on lots of crying which can make people quite edgy after a while. For the first day or so, it seemed all Weston and I did was fight. And I was mostly to blame for it.

So finally, one morning after dropping Weston off at school, I spent some quiet time in the hotel room. I got Leeland occupied for a moment and I just sat down to pray. After spending some time with the Lord, I realized my biggest mistake- I had neglected something very powerful- spiritual warfare.

Our family had not been able to spend much time together and when we finally were together, Satan was really attacking that time. I firmly believe that Satan's biggest targets are families and marriages. Family is really at the core of our society and if he can destroy the family, he can do so much more damage in other areas.

The Bible talks about this spiritual warfare in Ephesians, and to me, these verses are so familiar that I usually just skip over them. But today, I took time to stop and read them again, fresh and new, as if I had never read these words before:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Ephesians 6:10-12

We must be on the defensive. I'm never going to be able to be a Godly wife unless I am aware and active in the spiritual battle going on around me. It is an attitude, a mindset. I need the full armor- truth, righteousness, readiness, faith, salvation, the Word of God, and prayer. If I'm not daily spending time in truth and prayer, I'll never be able to fight the battle.

So that's why I haven't been blogging. I'm in the middle of a war.

be still

Weston has his own business, LS Aviation (named after our firstborn child- isn't that cute?), where he manages and flies airplanes. His business has actually been going great and he quit his full time job to be more invested in LS. He wants to hire a pilot to work for him full time.

I fully support Weston's business and have clearly seen that the Lord has blessed Weston with wisdom in business. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. This is our only income so the thought of hiring someone, and our company being the only income for TWO families raises doubts in my mind.

When Weston got home last night, I shared my thoughts and concerns with him. I said, "Weston, will you just make sure that whatever you pay this person isn't so much that we'll get in a bind and not have any money for our family?"

It was a legitimate concern in my mind, but right after I voiced it, the look on Weston's face said it all. He didn't even have to say a word. At that moment, I realized that my worries, doubts, and fears were disrespectful to my husband. He said, "Do you really think I would do something where I wouldn't be able to provide for my family??"

So, I suddenly realized that the Lord is using this situation to teach me A LOT:

- He is showing me what it REALLY looks like to be submissive, respectful, and trusting of my husband.

- He is showing me that when we take risks, that is when our faith is really revealed.

- He is showing me that "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

I think I'll be writing a lot more about all of these things. I'm just beginning to process everything. Today, I'll be meditating on these Kari Jobe lyrics:

He is here for the broken and life to the one who is undone

He is peace to the wounded and hope for the helpless one

He is here, He is here

Be still my soul, be still

Be still my soul, be still

Wait patiently upon the Lord

Be still my soul, be still

When the waves rise against me and the wind tries to draw me away

I will stand on the mountain, safe in Your arms I will sing I will sing

Be still my soul, be still

Be still my soul, be still

Wait patiently upon the Lord

Be still, my soul, be still

Be still I know He is God

He is here, He is here

Be still I know He is God

He is here, He is here

So be still my soul, be still

Be still my soul, be still

Wait patiently upon the Lord

Be still my soul, be still

Wait patiently upon the Lord

Be still my soul, be still

dwell.

to dwell.

to sit, to soak, to see, to be,

to be present in this place and time.

You imagined this moment.

in Your creativity

You created me

to just be.

to dwell.

to sit, to soak, to see, to be,

to be present in this place and time.

You sustain me

You maintain me

You ordained me

to be.

to be here.

to dwell.

to sit, to soak, to see, to be,

to be present in this place and time.

throughout all generations

throughout every nation

You are the foundation

for me.

to be.

to dwell.

to sit, to soak, to see, to be

to be present in this place and time.

"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations."

Psalm 90:1