Not quite 31 days of peace in the chaos: [day 19]

I know I'm a failure. I didn't make the 31 days. I've been mentally drained lately and the words have not been there. But God's words are better than mine, so this is what I have for you today:

Colossians 3:17, "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

31 days of peace in the chaos: [day 14]

Whoops. Didn't post yesterday either. It wasn't on purpose this time. I think I overdid it yesterday and I was not feeling well last night. Life just happens like that sometimes.

And once again, I was lost, wondering what to blog about today when the Lord reminded me to turn to His Word. More than growing my writing, I think this 31 days is growing me spiritually. God is continually reminding me that when I try to do things on my own, I come up short every time. But when I turn to Him, He is a constant source of peace.

As I was formulating a blog in my brain, I was thinking about my life. It always seems like everything is going really good, or everything is going really bad. And a lot of times I experience both of those feelings in one day. I wondered for 2 seconds if I was bi-polar, but then the Lord reminded me that I'm not. Life just happens like that sometimes.

Then He reminded me of something else. My life is always going to be a roller coaster ride. There are always going to be really good times and there are always going to be really bad times. It's unpredictable, really. Life just happens like that sometimes. Here comes the exciting part. The "But God" part. But God is constant.

I immediately turned to one of my favorite verses, Psalm 18:31-32.

"For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect."

I love that part- "And who is the Rock except our God?" In the midst of life's ups and downs, my God is constant, a ROCK. When I never know where life will take me next, I know one thing- no matter where I go, my Rock is constant and will always be there.

I also love the part that says He "arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." When things are good, I know it is because of Him. When things are bad, I know I can make it through because He has armed me with strength. And when life seems crazy, no matter how good or how bad, I know that it is perfectly what the Lord has intended for me. I know that to be true because He told me so.

31 days of peace in the chaos: [day 12]

I didn't blog yesterday. I thought about it and decided not to. It's ok. I gave myself a break. I needed it.

I took a break today too. Not from blogging, but from life. Being pregnant and being a mom of an active toddler is exhausting. I've probably mentioned that one or two (or 57...) times before. I'm at the point where pretty much all I can do is the basics- feeding my family, doing the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, picking up all the toys, etc. Then I push myself a little harder to sometimes clean the bathrooms, sweep, vacuum, and other things like that. Not everything gets done and I'm learning to be ok with that.

I'm learning to be ok with that because I have to. I can only push myself so far. Most days when Leeland goes to school, I spend the whole time frantically cleaning and trying to accomplish lots of stuff. Today, I allowed myself to take the day off. I even prepared for it yesterday by working extra hard to make sure the house wasn't a mess so I wouldn't be bothered or burdened about it today.

I sat in the recliner and watched Netflix. I ate a donut and some pigs in a blanket. I opened the blinds and enjoyed the rain. (God must have sent the rain to East Texas today just for me!) I turned off my brain, I ignored the toys all over the floor and I just relaxed. It was so peaceful. I did actually get up and do a little bit of cleaning but it was stuff that I wanted to do, stuff that usually gets neglected.

The dishwasher needs to be emptied, the laundry is piled up in the laundry room, and I REALLY need to vacuum because one of Leeland's favorite new hobbies is collecting acorns and bringing them inside. But I'm not doing it. All of that can be taken care of later. Giving myself permission to set aside everything that normally burdens and weighs me down, and instead enjoy a little bit of peace, was just what I needed. I give you permission to do the same. You can thank me later :)

31 days of peace in the chaos: [day 10]

For those of you that thought I would wake up with a fresh new outlook on life today, you were wrong. I say that because that's what I thought would happen. I didn't feel good yesterday but after writing my blog last night, I had decided that I was going to wake up and today was going to be a great day. Oh contrare....

Leeland, although he NEVER does this, woke up at 5:15 a.m. for some reason. I went in and rocked him and before too long, he went back to sleep. But sleep did not come back for this little momma. And on top of that, I still have this terrible congestion and cough. Oh, and have I mentioned that even at 19 weeks, I still get morning sickness?

So as I laid in bed, wide awake, feeling miserable, I had a very grim outlook on this day. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to have a good day. Oh, AND Weston is gonna be gone pretty much all of this week. So I already had a bad attitude about the entire week. I just wanted to wallow in self pity.

I thought about my blog. I thought there is no way I will find "peace in the chaos" today. I couldn't think of any fun Leeland story or some big revelation from God. I thought I was done. Out of material. My 31 days of writing fizzled into 9 measly days...

Then I heard that still small voice whispering to me to turn to His Word. I suddenly remembered that this isn't about me. It's not up to me to find peace in the chaos. It is from the Lord! You would think it wouldn't be that hard to remember that one very important fact but I really had forgotten.

So after dropping Leeland off at school, I sat down, turned on some Shane & Shane and opened my Bible. I didn't really know where to turn but the song that was playing was Psalm 13 so I decided to turn there. The first four verses say this:

"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall."

I could definitely relate with these verses but I was beginning to get worried. All of that seemed pretty grim and the chapter was almost over. I thought to myself, "Where's the good news?!" Then I read verses 5 and 6:

"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me."

*lightbulb*

I didn't wake up to a beautiful and wonderful great new day. In fact, I woke up and today started out worse than yesterday. I might have a lot to get done today and I might not feel good, BUT "I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me."

I may be having a bad day, but the Lord has been good to me. And he has been so so good. I wonder how he feels when he has been so good to me, yet I choose to spend my day wallowing in self pity? I'm guessing that doesn't make him feel very good. So today, I will sing to the Lord.

31 days of peace in the chaos: [day 9]

I don't feel like blogging today.

I don't feel like finding peace in the chaos.

I don't feel good.

But that's the thing about life. Sometimes we just have to do things, even when we don't feel like it. Where would we all be if we only did what we felt like doing?

And to take things a step further. As Christians, there are lots of things that we are called to do, even when we don't feel like it.

Jesus didn't say, "Take up your cross and follow me, if you feel like it."

Jesus didn't say, "Love one another, when you feel like it."

I could keep going but I think you get my point.

I am sick and today I laid around the house in my pajamas all day long. But tomorrow is a new day. I doubt I'll be feeling better but I'm going to change out of my pajamas and put real clothes on. I'm gonna do my make up and fix my hair. I'm gonna make Leeland's lunch and I'm gonna do my grocery shopping. Even if I don't feel like it, I'm gonna do everything I can to impact the world. Because that is what Christ has called me to do.

31 days of peace in the chaos: [day 8]

The past few days have been oh so busy. And for this pregnant momma, that is exhausting! On top of that, Leeland has been sick and he got me sick. I took some benadryl about an hour ago and I'm totally falling asleep as I'm typing. But to be true to my word, I'm blogging because I must get it in today!

We found out the sex of the baby today. We went to one of those places where your family can watch. Luckily, Weston wasn't out of town, my parents came, and my brother surprised me and was able to make it, along with his girlfriend and her daughter. It was quite the joyous time as it has been a month or two since all of the family was together. Weston is usually gone, Drew is super busy with football responsibilities at his new job, and there always seems to be something going on at the church where my dad works.

I was busy yesterday, I was busy today, I'm sick and I'm tired. But today, I was with family. Oh how I love my family. I often complain that my mom doesn't live right down the road so she can watch Leeland for me anytime, but I realize that I am oh so blessed that my parents only live an hour away and are a very present part of my life. My brother worked late last night so that he would be able to be here today. And he brought me Tyler roses. What a great guy.

Even in the middle of busyness (my parents and my brother are some of the busiest people I know), family togetherness brought peace. Thank you Lord for the blessing of family.

Oh, and by the way, I'm having a girl. (Woohoo!)

31 days of peace in the chaos: [day 7]

We were supposed to find out the sex of our baby last Monday. I had been looking forward to this day for quite a while. People were always asking me about it and I always excitedly exclaimed, "October 3!" It was a big day. But, to be honest, I had a feeling we wouldn't find out that day. I was afraid the baby wouldn't cooperate and we wouldn't be able to tell. And what do ya know! The baby's legs were closed the whole time and we got no glimpse of those little private parts that tell us the big news.

I was disappointed. I am still eager to find out and we have an appointment to find out (hopefully!) tomorrow. But the odd part is, I had a peace about it.

That is totally out of character for me. Especially about something like this. I don't know if anyone else feels the same way but I don't really feel connected with my baby until I know the sex and give it a name. Then, I don't have to refer to it as an "it." I know whether I should be having dreams of ballet recitals or football games. I know if I should buy pink bows or plaid shirts. So although this is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, it's a big deal to me.

This is where the beauty of my Lord comes in. He knew it was a big deal to me. So I firmly believe He was preparing me ahead of time. He was the still small voice in my head that said, "Maybe October 3 won't be the big day. And that's ok." He brought peace in that moment, a peace that could have come from no one else but Him.

I don't know what kind of results we'll get tomorrow. I'm praying that we'll find out, just so I can stop wondering and speculating. But I know that whatever happens, it's all in the Lord's plans. Even with something so non-important as finding out the sex of the little baby growing inside of me.