sirens

On the first Wednesday of every month, at noon, they test the storm warning sirens.  I don't know if this is something they do everywhere, or just in my town, but that's what they do.  I didn't know this until I became a stay at home mom.  Before I was always gone, always busy.  But then as I sat at home, and heard the siren, on a beautiful warm day, I learned about the tests.

It's always alarming the first time you realize what's going on.  Usually those sirens are heard in the midst of a storm.  It's the dreaded siren.  Sometimes storms can be bad, but when you hear the siren, you know it's bad.  One day I was at Walmart on the day they were testing the sirens.  And it happened to be a rainy, dreary day.  It was so funny to me to watch everyone in the parking lot freak out as the sirens went off.  I just chuckled to myself and kept my little secret that it was just the monthly test.

Today, I heard the siren for the first time in a long time.  I always notice it.  But for the past few months, I haven't.  My life has felt a little something like chaos the past few months.  There has not been any catastrophic event in my family or anything that has caused this, but the weight of normal life has just weighed me down.  So much so, that I haven't even noticed the blaring sirens down the road.

And that made me stop and think, "If I've missed that, how much more of the small things in life have I missed out on?"

I have felt like I've been living in a fog the past few months and for some reason, the past few days, it feels like the fog has lifted.  I don't know if I'm dealing with medical issues, or spiritual issues, or what, but I'm glad to have a brief reprieve.

I have been clinging to the promises of Psalm 3:

"O LORD, how many are my foes!  
How many rise up against me!
Many are saying of me,
'God will not deliver him.'
Selah.
But you are a shield around me, O LORD;
you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
To the LORD I cry aloud,
and he answer me from his holy hill.
Selah.
I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn against me on every side.
Arise, O LORD!
Deliver me, O my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.
From the LORD comes deliverance.
May your blessing be on your people.
Selah."

God has been teaching me so much through this time, as hard as it has been.  Maybe that's why He needed me to go through this.  I can't tell you how many people I have cried to. [and not just a few tears, I mean that ugly, nasty cry.] But I am learning.

I will probably blog more about specific things I am learning, as this would be a very long post if I included everything now.  But for now, I think I am just going to focus on being present and being aware of the things around me.  Because I think I'll be blessed by more than just some silly storm sirens.

reality

I miss writing.  Writing brings me joy and I hate that I've been missing out on it.  For me, writing is an overflow of my soul.  But the reality is that in this season of my life, my soul has been empty.  There is nothing to overflow.  So I stay silent.  And I soak in.  And I learn.

Another reality?  I'm at Starbucks, and my daughter pooped, and I somehow got out of the house without any extra diapers.  But she fell asleep.  So I sit here, in Starbucks, with poop girl, wondering why no one wants to sit around me...  Now THAT is reality.