Tuesday, May 24, 2011

be still

Weston has his own business, LS Aviation (named after our firstborn child- isn't that cute?), where he manages and flies airplanes. His business has actually been going great and he quit his full time job to be more invested in LS. He wants to hire a pilot to work for him full time.

I fully support Weston's business and have clearly seen that the Lord has blessed Weston with wisdom in business. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. This is our only income so the thought of hiring someone, and our company being the only income for TWO families raises doubts in my mind.

When Weston got home last night, I shared my thoughts and concerns with him. I said, "Weston, will you just make sure that whatever you pay this person isn't so much that we'll get in a bind and not have any money for our family?"

It was a legitimate concern in my mind, but right after I voiced it, the look on Weston's face said it all. He didn't even have to say a word. At that moment, I realized that my worries, doubts, and fears were disrespectful to my husband. He said, "Do you really think I would do something where I wouldn't be able to provide for my family??"

So, I suddenly realized that the Lord is using this situation to teach me A LOT:
- He is showing me what it REALLY looks like to be submissive, respectful, and trusting of my husband.
- He is showing me that when we take risks, that is when our faith is really revealed.
- He is showing me that "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

I think I'll be writing a lot more about all of these things. I'm just beginning to process everything. Today, I'll be meditating on these Kari Jobe lyrics:

He is here for the broken and life to the one who is undone
He is peace to the wounded and hope for the helpless one
He is here, He is here

Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still my soul, be still

When the waves rise against me and the wind tries to draw me away
I will stand on the mountain, safe in Your arms I will sing I will sing

Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still, my soul, be still

Be still I know He is God
He is here, He is here
Be still I know He is God
He is here, He is here

So be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still my soul, be still


to dwell.
to sit, to soak, to see, to be,
to be present in this place and time.

You imagined this moment.
in Your creativity
You created me
to just be.
to dwell.
to sit, to soak, to see, to be,
to be present in this place and time.

You sustain me
You maintain me
You ordained me
to be.
to be here.
to dwell.
to sit, to soak, to see, to be,
to be present in this place and time.

throughout all generations
throughout every nation
You are the foundation
for me.
to be.
to dwell.
to sit, to soak, to see, to be
to be present in this place and time.

"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations."
Psalm 90:1

Friday, May 13, 2011

your story

Stories are powerful. And I think we all have a story to tell. Some stories are long, as long as a lifetime. But then there are short stories. Stories in the every day.

My best friend, Alysha, and I started driving right around the time the first Starbucks opened up in Tyler. One of our favorite things to do was to drive (our parent’s minivans…) to Starbucks and just hang out. We loved the environment. We didn’t go for the coffee. In fact, most of the time we were too broke to buy coffee so we would just get a cup of water for free. Starbucks has good water. It’s triple filtered.

We would sit and talk and people watch and laugh a lot. We always seemed to laugh a lot together. Sometimes we met new people at Starbucks. Weird people. Nice people. Interesting people. Old people. Young people. It was an interesting crew that hung out at Starbucks.

I remember this one particular group of guys we talked to one night. They were a bit older than us, probably in their 20’s. They told us about how they tried to make a story out of every single day. One time they swam across a lake, just so they could tell the story.

Those guys inspired Alysha and me. We always wanted to make a story, and we did just that. We would tell our stories to anyone who would listen- and in fact it was probably very hard to listen to most of our stories because we were almost always laughing so hard that we could barely get the story out. We could make a story out of anything. One of our very best stories was the story about the time Alysha’s calculator fell out of our locker. It’s a classic. Ask me about it sometime, I’ll tell you the story.

In high school, being adventurous with my best friend, it was easy to find a story. But now, it’s a little bit harder. When I see people I haven’t seen in a while, they say, “Hey! What have you been up to?” And I usually reply with, “Ohhh, nothing.” And then there’s that awkward silence where they expect me to say more but I don’t have more to say. Sometimes I follow up with, “Well, I hang out with Leeland all day. And clean the house. And go to the gym….” Lather, rinse, repeat. Or at least that’s what it feels like. Lame.

Here’s the deal. I know the story is there. I just have to find it. It’s all about the way you look at things. I mean, come on… a calculator falling out of a locker? Not quite so riveting. But Alysha and I turned it into a story. And a rather humorous one at that.

What is your story? Find today’s story. If it’s not there, create it. Even if your life feels like it’s following the directions on the shampoo bottle. There’s a story hiding in there.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Lessons from Leeland

I love rocking Leeland to sleep at night. It is my favorite time of day because it is the one time that Leeland is actually still enough to cuddle with.

I am a cuddler. Leeland is not. He is a mover. When he is awake, there is not one moment that he is still, and I am not exaggerating. He always has to be going and doing. I thought that was normal until I talked to the ladies that keep him while I work out at the gym. When I pick him up, I get a plethora of comments like:
"Is he always this active at home?"
"We call him Sir Jumps-a-lot!"
"He is gonna be SMART! He is always into things and checking things out."
"Is he ever still?"

Every time I rock him to sleep, I just want to keep him in my arms forever! He is so precious. But I always have to put him down- the time that he is sleeping is the only time I can get things done or get some sleep myself!

Leeland is a great sleeper. For a few months now he has slept all through the night without waking up at all. But teething got the best of him last night and he was screaming at midnight. I was extremely tired that night and had been sleeping hard. I did NOT want to get up. I got Weston up and he held him for about 2 minutes but then he passed him to me and went back to bed. I fed Leeland but that wasn't enough. He was in pain and the only thing that comforted him was cuddling with me. Yes! He was actually AWAKE and was STILL and CUDDLING with me!!

I just wanted to go back to sleep so I was a little annoyed- at Leeland AND at Weston. But in my frustration, I took my thoughts captive and decided not to let those negative thoughts grow. I decided to savor every moment that my sweet son was cuddling with me, even if it was 12:30.

Leeland laid his head on my chest and wrapped his sweet little arms around my arm. We both took a deep breath, and relaxed.

I was reminded of some lyrics to a worship song:
"I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands,
lay back against you and breath, feel your heartbeat."

I love that song and every time I sing it, I get a very vivid picture in my mind. I knew what that looked like but for the first time, I knew what that felt like.

My sweet son,
laying his head against my chest,
listening to my heart beat.
His breathing slowed,
his crying stopped,
his pain was eased,
he relaxed,
and eventually drifted off to sleep.

You see, normally he is too busy to do this, but for this one moment, he sank into the arms of the one that loved him so deeply, and he found rest.

I wondered to myself, "Am I too busy to stop and sink into the arms of Jesus, the One that loves me so deeply?"

He is always there. His arms wide open. Waiting and wanting for us to take a moment to be with Him. If we take the time to dwell with the Lord, lay our head against His chest, and listen to His heartbeat, our breathing might slow, our life might slow down, our pain eased. We can find rest in Him, the One that holds the world in His hands.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
Matthew 11:28-29

Monday, May 2, 2011


I was feeling a little down and decided to blog. I began a post about how I've been feeling like the "bad guy." I just haven't been as careful with my words and actions as I should be and in the process have accidentally been hurting others. Or so I think.

No one has come up to me and told me I was rude, or that I hurt their feelings or got on their nerves. But at the end of the day, I just feel like I've been annoying, obnoxious, and rude to those I come in contact with.

I deleted that blog. It seemed awfully whiney and I knew all that read it would comment and say "Oh no! You are so sweet! You're not the bad guy." That wasn't what I was going for.

I had my Bible in front of me, but didn't know where to turn. I thought about privately journaling about it but knew it wouldn't get me anywhere. As a last resort, just looking for something to fill my mind, I went to proverbs31.org to read the daily devotional.

The devotional today was about believing truth instead of believing the lies and thoughts that fill our minds that are not from God. Go here if you'd like to read the whole devotional. It's good.

In the end, I realized two things:
1. I need to place my self worth in the TRUTH that God speaks over me. I need to stop giving in to the lies. Maybe I have been obnoxious and rude lately. Or maybe the enemy is just trying to get me to believe these lies so I think less of myself and shy away from people.
2. I need to spend more time with the Lord in His Word. If I was really walking with Him daily and letting His spirit guide me, there would be no question about my actions. I would be showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Do you ever feel that way? Let's live in truth together.
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32