Tuesday, November 22, 2011

as unto the LORD

It is so hard to get back on the blogging bandwagon after you've fallen off! I'm searching my brain for something to write about and there are a million ideas whirring around like race cars!

So as I was on this journey of finding a topic for today's blog, the Lord brought this verse to my attention:
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."
Colossians 3:23

I know we've all heard this verse a million times before but God just showed me that this verse really applies to every area of my life that I'm struggling with right now.

I started feeling a little bit guilty yesterday. I just felt like I wasn't giving enough to Weston and to Leeland. I'm pretty crazy about my house being straight all the time. I can't go to bed with dirty dishes all over the kitchen or toys all over the living room floor. If I leave laundry in the dryer, it will be on my mind until it gets folded and put away. When I walk into the kitchen and the counter is littered with junk mail, shoes, water bottles, keys, jackets, and who knows what else, it's pretty much the equivalent of hearing nails scratch a chalkboard. Now, don't get me wrong, my house is not clean all of the time, but I'm pretty much in a state of anxiety about it all of the time and the second Leeland is down for a nap or asleep for the night, no matter how tired I feel, I am cleaning machine!

But what does that do for my husband and my son? I'm sure they appreciate having a straight house but is that what they really need? You see, I spend all of the time during Leeland's naps cleaning and then by the time he wakes up, I am exhausted. So what do I do? I get him up, I do whatever I can to occupy him and make him happy, but I pretty much just sit in the recliner trying to recuperate while he plays and usually just fusses because he wants more from me. Weston has been working a lot and usually doesn't get home until Leeland's bedtime. But what am I doing during that time? Cleaning! I go to bed early and can never manage to make myself stay up past 9:00 to spend time with my husband. But last night? I was up until 10:30 folding laundry and cleaning our bedroom and bathroom!

All of this to say, I'm giving my family my leftovers. I am investing more in my house than I am in my husband and my son. And I think to myself, "But I'm pregnant and I have to take care of a toddler all day and I can't COMPLETELY neglect my house. I am TIRED! How am I supposed to do this?" That's when the Lord reminded me:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."

I think if I focused my work on working for the Lord, He would show me how to prioritize. He will give me energy to do the things I need to do and still invest in my family. He will take away my anxiety when the clothes are left in the dryer for a little bit longer. And I think when I focus on doing things for the Lord and not for men, my family will come first. You see, it's easy to say, "Well, I am putting my family first. I am doing these things FOR THEM. I'm such a servant." But let's be honest, that's not the case. Weston and Leeland could really care less about the condition of the house. I think we could edit this verse a little by removing the last letter. Instead of saying "not for men," it could read "not for me." The reality is that all of these things that I'm doing are really just to make myself feel good. To make me feel accomplished. To get rid of my anxiety.

So yes, I may be tired and pregnant. I may have a crazy toddler to take care of. I may have a lot of responsibilities around the house. But I think when I take the focus off of myself and when I "work with all of my heart AS UNTO THE LORD," it might all seem a bit less overwhelming. And I think the result will be that my family will get the best of me, and not just my leftovers.

Now if you'll excuse me, Leeland is still sleeping and I'm gonna go straighten the house a little before he wakes up... Is it bad/ironic that I'm really about to do that? [Ha!] Don't worry, I think God says it's ok ;)

1 comment:

  1. I completely understand. Know you are not alone in these feelings, I think every SAHM and every mom in general feels this at one time or another.