waiting

I know, I know... New blog, out of nowhere, after a long stint of silence. I'm accepting the fact that I'm an inconsistent blogger. You should too :)

I decided to squeeze in a few minutes of blog reading in this morning and was scrolling along, picking and choosing which blogs I wanted to spend my precious time reading. I came across this blog, Waiting on God, and was about to scroll right past it. I thought, "I'm not waiting on God for anything. I don't need that." But then I had the thought that any encouraging word from the Lord would be good right now, as I'm going through a tough time. So I read it. And it was EXACTLY what I needed.

Let me give you a little background. [This is one of those stories that is hard to tell because you know us moms, we try to be perfect. We don't want the world to know that our kids aren't perfect. And we don't want the world to know that we don't always know how to handle them. But I'm just gonna be a little honest and a little vulnerable here...] Most of you already know this but, I have an 18 month old (Leeland), and I just had another baby (Kinsley) last week. Even before I had Kinsley, Leeland was already starting to go through a tough stage. He really is a sweet boy but he has started hitting, pinching, and biting. He doesn't do it out of anger most of the time, he just does it. I don't know why and we have been trying everything we can to get him to stop, without any success.

And then baby Kinsley came into the picture and things just escalated. When I'm home by myself with just the two babies, Leeland constantly just screams and cries. He hits Kinsely, he pinches her, and he scratches her. And a few days ago, while throwing a little tantrum, he decided to throw the tv remote...at our plasma tv... So needless to say, we are now a tv free family! Not by choice, but because my toddler busted our tv beyond repair.

That was the end of the rope for me. But you wanna know the craziest part? I was a little annoyed with God about this. I had been asking friends and family for advice on dealing with him, but that morning (the morning of the major breakdown and tv incident), I sat down and talked to God about it. I realized that He should have been the first person I turned to in all of this! I prayed and prayed about it. I gave it over to God. I asked God to calm Leeland. I asked God to give me wisdom in dealing with him. I was feeling pretty good and confident after that little Jesus time, knowing that He would make everything better. And then what happened? WORST. DAY. EVER!

I was crying to my mom about it later that night and she said that maybe God just wanted to teach me something. And I agreed, but I was still a little annoyed.

And then I read this blog. I didn't think I was "waiting on God" for anything but as I started reading, I realized I am. I am waiting for Him to answer my prayer. I am waiting for that time where my house will be a little bit more calm. I am waiting for the day when Leeland will not hit. I am waiting for the day when he will be able to tolerate those moments when I need to take care of Kinsley. My God is the great provider and He will answer my prayer. But God does not promise instant gratification. Although that may be what I am used to, that is not His way.

A day or two after Kinsley was born, I read this blog (By the way, if you're a mom, this is a MUST READ. Even if you're not a mom, it's good.), and these words have been my comfort ever since:

"I figure God is big enough to give me just what I need for each day. Maybe it's not as much as I would like or as much as I think I need, but I have to believe that it's sufficient for the moment. He promises that, you know?"

So I cling to those words, and this verse:

"And then God answered: "Write this. Write what you see.Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming. It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time." Habakkuk 2:2-3

The waiting is hard. But I will endure because my God is good. He is teaching me and molding me. And the waiting will end- in God's time, not mine :)