I have been "busy" lately. And I don't even really feel like "busy" is the right word. So I put it in quotes, because it's just a placeholder word. A word that's there because I don't even know what word to really put there.
Leeland is a VERY active child. He is a sweet sweet boy but he is NEVER still. He doesn't play with toys, he doesn't watch tv, he just crawls around to see what he can get into for a few minutes and then he moves on to something else. So my days are literally spent chasing him around, picking up what he just scattered, preventing him from hurting himself, consoling him when he inevitably does hurt himself, then looking and searching for something new to entertain him for a few minutes. That is my busy. No cleaning the house, very little running errands, no reading, watching tv, or relaxing. Just mothering. It. is. exhausting.
Then there are those precious nap times that are never quite long enough. And honestly, they bring me anxiety. Leeland goes down for a nap and I know that I have maybe one guaranteed hour to do something. Then I go through the list in my head: I'm tired and need to rest, but the kitchen is a disaster, you don't even want to know what the toilets look like, and my feet have been sticking to something on the kitchen floor for days. Then there's the grocery list that needs to be made because as soon as Leeland wakes up, we have to go to the store in that small window of opportunity that he'll be happy enough to endure sitting in a grocery store cart.
And then I stop. For just one moment. And I hear the voice of the Lord say to me, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I let out a long sigh, my shoulders drop and the tension falls, and I sink into the arms of my Savior.
I need to find that balance. And I think the number one key is to dwell with my Lord. He's not just there when I stop long enough to acknowledge Him. He's with me every step of the way. Yet, I'm working so hard trying to do things on my own. Today, I will remember that He is with me. HE will bring the balance that I need. And that will make all the difference.