Orphans

We are wanting to adopt someday.  We are leaning towards international adoption, most likely from somewhere in Africa, but we'll see what plan God ends up having.  For the past 2 days, I have been extremely burdened for our children.  We do not know them.  I don't even know if they exist yet, but I can't stop thinking about them.  [And notice I keep saying "they" and "them"?  I feel like it's two.  I don't know why.]

Part of this stems from the book Seven.  I just finished it yesterday.  The author, Jen Hatmaker, adopted two children from Ethiopa and they were going through the process as she was writing the book.  So she talks about that a lot.  But I don't think it's just coincidence that I happened to be reading that book right now and she happens to talk about adoption...of two children...from Africa.

I am doing a Bible study called Abounding Hope and we are studying about Job.  I am also doing several other Bible study things and almost thought about skipping out on Abounding Hope today.  But as Job's story has really been resonating with me, I thought I'd do the study real quick.  I opened it up and the verses we are studying today are Psalm 139:1-8.

I was pretty shocked as Psalm 139 is a passage I think of often when I think of orphans.

So I prayed these verses over my children.  There's a pretty good chance they feel forgotten.  They might feel abandoned.  They probably feel lonely.  But God sees them.  He knows them, he sees their every move.  He is with them, in front and behind them.  His hand is upon them.  No matter where they go, He is there.

Will you join me in praying for them?

He sees

This morning I was reading in the second chapter of Job.  After taking everything that Job had, even his family, Satan was talking to God about Job again.  This is what God said about Job:

"Have you considered my servant Job?  There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.  And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason." Job 2:3

God noticed Job.  God recognized his reaction.  Job stood strong in the face of trial and God saw that.  This is one of those truths that we all know in our head but sometimes it's hard to see in our lives because it requires faith.  I'm pretty sure Job had no way of knowing that God recognized that.  I don't think God reached down from heaven and gave Job a high five.  Although we see the big picture, Job didn't.  He had to go on in faith.

Weston has been out of town a lot for the past few weeks so most days it's just me and the kids- single mom mode, as I call it.  And it's hard.  (I give props to all of the actual single moms out there.  You are very strong women!)  Leeland and I just get tired of each other.  He is very strong willed and I am not, so I pretty much just feel defeated at the end of every day.  Kinsley is mobile and is into everything.  And she's at that stage where she is eating table food but there's not a lot that she can eat so each meal time is a struggle.  I am worn out.  And since I've been alone, it just feels like no one notices all the hard work I put in to raising these kids.

But this passage in Job reminds me that God sees.  He sees the struggles.  He notices the victories.  He sees the failures.  It is a struggle to have patience with my kids and so many times, I just give up and lose my temper.  But now, when I think about this passage, I want God to be able to say that about me.  I want Him to be able to say "Have you considered my servant Meagan?  There is no one on earth like her; she is blameless and upright, a woman who fears God and shuns evil.  And she still maintains her integrity, though her kids pull her hair and refuse to go poo poo in the potty.  She stays calm when her toddler calls her to his room to sing "Wheels on the Bus" for the seventh time, an hour after bedtime.  And she doesn't get annoyed at her husband for working all the time."

the momma's dream

For some reason this morning I was thinking about a friend of mine from high school.  We did theater and UIL together and had lots of fun.  We even both got to be a part of a group that went to the Inauguration in 2005.  But, like most high school friends, we lost touch after graduation and I only know about her life now thanks to Facebook.  Now, she is living in LA and doing something in production.  She always had big dreams and I thought to myself, "Wow, it is so neat to see a girl from a small town in Texas, who had big dreams to go off and do great things, and she achieved it!"

I was thinking about this, and having a conversation with her in my head where I was telling her how great I thought that was (what? you don't have conversations with people in your head?!), and I realized how my life might look to someone like her.  Here she is, far away from home, working a cool job, and doing cool things.  And here I am, still in East Texas, sitting at home, popping out babies, and the highlight of my week is a trip to Target.  In the conversation in my head, I was telling her, "Yeah, but this is my dream!...."  But no matter how true the words may be (I really would rather be doing nothing else than raising my children in good ol' Texas!), they fell flat, as they sounded like the cliche words that everybody says.

Then it hit me.  At some point, her parents decided that it was their dream to settle down in East Texas and raise a family.  If they hadn't made that decision, she may not be where she is today.  We all have different dreams, we all have different callings, we all have different stories.  Some may seem way more exciting than others, but that doesn't matter.  Because the life that I am living isn't the end of the story.  I am raising my kids so that they can pursue their dreams.  Those dreams may be to go off and do great things that sound really cool.  Or those dreams may be to stay close and do those things that sometimes go unnoticed.  Whatever their dreams may be, it is my job to allow them to dream.  And to give them the opportunity to pursue it.

My life may look quite different than my old friend's life, but that doesn't mean I'm not pursuing a dream. Every life, every dream is an important part of this story we are living together.