Thursday, January 20, 2011

Don't Take It Personally.

I'm not ignoring you.

I've really been feeling the need to create.

But the thing is, I don't want to create for you, I want to create for art. For expression.

Maybe this all sounds way out there, and maybe it is.

I used to write. I loved writing. Anything and everything. I journaled, I wrote poems, I wrote newspaper articles and research papers. I just wrote. And I loved it! I still have my final research paper from my freshman year of college- my professor wrote on it, "If you pursue a career in writing, you will succeed!" Some may think that sounds like a fortune cookie, but those words meant SO much to me. I was going through some old stuff the other day and found a newspaper article that I wrote when I was on the Compass staff at ETBU. It was GOOD! I just sat there thinking, "Did I seriously write this??" I feel like I've lost my touch. When I write these days, it just seems bland and boring. I need to rediscover writing.

I used to paint. I have never been good at painting, but I loved it! I think I'm most proud of a painting I did for my brother. It was part of a basketball court and a basketball, and it had a quote on it about coaching. When Weston and I got home from our honeymoon, his wedding present to me was waiting in our apartment. An easel and some really good paints and brushes. I was so excited! But I've rarely used it, and Weston has never really forgiven me for that. I need to rediscover painting.

I used to sing and play piano and guitar. I led worship with several different bands. I loved it! But then it all faded away. People moved on and went their separate ways. I was told I would have an opportunity to sing with a group for a summer and then denied it and that was like a stab in the heart. I became very self conscious and haven't really sung since then (apart from choir at church). It's been 2 and a half years. I need to rediscover music.

As all these things are going through my mind, I read a blog this morning that said this:
"The job of the artist is not to convince people to like what they have created. The job of the artist is to create. Your creation could be words, paints, crafts, music. But your art is in no way limited to those things. Your art is any work you are passionate about. And your job is to be passionate, not to convince someone else to like you."
I read that and thought, "YES! This is what my heart is screaming!" So for now, I'm going to create. And rediscover my passion. I already have about 5 blogs written and waiting, and maybe I'll post those. Or maybe not. We'll see. For now, I will simply create.


  1. Emily, from Chatting at the Sky... recognized it right when I read it! Love her.

    There is a lot of growing and learning in the the "art of creating"; especially about confidence... "not to convince someone else to like you."

    Post on sister!! Post on! With confidence and passion on the topic that He lays on your heart!

  2. Yep, I think the underlying issue is that I've lost my confidence. I actually wrote a paragraph about that then got self-conscious about it and deleted it. Haha!

  3. Haha... we all do it!

    I remember a point in my life when I realized that if i'm worried about what people think of ME, then they are PROBABLY doing the same thing to themselves.... which means, they aren't even THINKING about me. Did that make sense? ha.

    There are times when I get self-conscious again and I literally just have to stop myself and say - so let's say they do think you're really silly or stupid or whatever.... am I they're opinion of me? NO.

    And then I say Jesus over and over until my confidence is back. Because I AMMMM His opinion of me - and that my friend, is a good one!