Then, the fuss monster arrived.
Leeland started to fuss a bit and it was around nap time so I went to put him down, but he was not having that! He started to get worked up and I tried so hard to get him to stop crying because his room is right next to ours and I wanted Weston to be able to sleep. After it was clear nap time wasn't going to happen soon, I decided to bring him back out to the living room and let him play. However, he had already gotten worked up and just didn't want to stop crying. He doesn't usually do this but today he did and every bit of peace was gone.
With pregnancy hormones and being tired from not sleeping well, I had a very short fuse and that was pretty much blown. I was at the end of my rope, as Leeland was too. It was at that moment I realized you have to CHOOSE peace. It doesn't just come in and take all of the stress away, you have to let it in. But that is NOT easy.
I would take a deep breath, say a little prayer, and choose peace. That moment would last about 30 seconds and then it was like all my anxiety, anger, and annoyance came back quicker and stronger. It was a struggle.
I put Leeland in the car and we drove around for about 30-45 minutes. He calmed down a bit. And eventually, so did I. I got home and my wonderful husband had gotten up, straightened up the house, gotten the laundry going, and opened all of the blinds to let the sunshine in. It was a breath of fresh air.
Leeland eventually went down for a nap (with quite a fight) and the house got quiet. That's when the easy peace came. The quiet, calm peace that is natural. The peace streamed in as beautifully as the sunlight streaming through the windows, warming my toes. But I think sometimes the peace that isn't easy is a little more rewarding. The peace that you have to drive around for 30 minutes to find, that peace is not natural. Which means only one thing- it is purely from the Lord. When we CHOOSE that, especially when it's not easy, that's when we have a little victory over the enemy.
When I decided on the topic of "Peace in the Chaos," I had no idea that the very first day was going to start out quite so chaotic! But I think the Lord wanted me to realize these foundational truths right in the beginning: His peace doesn't always come easily. Sometimes we have to look for it, and CHOOSE it.